Life Lessons from Ammamma

My grandmother lived a near-perfect life, so the easiest way to live would probably be to just ask, “What would Ammamma do?” for any given situation. On the other hand, that’s a bit of a high bar. Instead, what I thought I’d do is give a few lessons from Ammamma’s life that were less run of the mill and really stand out.

1. Don’t be afraid of love. Embrace it.

In life, love is one of the hardest things to get right. There are those who throw around the word wantonly, not knowing the depth of the emotion they are expressing. And there are others who find it hard to express their love – avoiding the word and its feelings, afraid of the repercussions. My Ammamma was the perfect example of how to embrace love in her life – she wasn’t afraid of loving people or showing it. I’ve never heard anyone say “I love you” more to the people she loves and always mean it from the bottom of her heart. I don’t say I love you enough to the people I love, and I don’t often say it like I really mean it. What many of my family remember about my Ammamma is the love she showed and expressed to them – she’s an example of how to embrace love in life.

2. Always learning.

This happens to be the motto of the company I work for, but no one exemplifies this better than Ammamma. She was always so curious about the world and was always trying to learn more about it. When it comes to technology, she would play dumb and naive, but she would work very hard to become proficient. She started using email, became good with cellphones, played computer games, then games on her tablet, and even picked up Whatsapp during her last year. I always want to try and learn new things about the world around me and never give in to the idea that “can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

3. Put yourself in others’ shoes before you judge them.

She always empathized with others no matter what the situation. No matter what, she thought about what others might be feeling, which always helped her to never judge them. Once, I heard about a time when she was younger and Thatha’s mother stayed with them. Thatha came home late, a bit drunk, and knocked on the door because Ammamma had locked it. Thatha’s mother woke up, Thatha yelled at Ammamma for locking the door, and Ammamma started crying. She kept crying until she thought about it and realized they both had only done what was natural – Thatha had to knock because the door was locked, Thatha’s mother naturally woke up due to the noise, and Thatha yelled because he was embarrassed that his mother saw him drunk. Only Ammamma could find a way to explain that situation and empathize with Thatha and his mother. Every time I discussed a problem with her, she would always talk about it from both sides to make sure she fully understood how everyone felt – the world would be a better place if we all did the same.

4. Nothing can take joy away.

I still remember this single interaction. Ammamma asked me when I was coming back and I said very unlikely May, but more likely August. She said “OK, I can’t wait to see you in May!” I told her to please not get her hopes up as I didn’t want her to be disappointed if I wasn’t able to make it. She told me, “Each day, I wake up excited about you coming soon. Even if in May you don’t come, nothing can take away the joy I felt each of those days.” What a beautiful way of thinking! You are always taught to lower expectations to prevent yourself from being disappointed, and here’s my Ammamma doing the exact opposite. I think she’s absolutely right – we should live each day optimistically and not live in fear of future disappointments. Nothing can take joy away, so we should all live a joyful life.